I have some sad news to share, it’s not totally new news because I’ve known about it for awhile, but I wasn’t totally ready to talk/blog about it. I guess because that makes it seem more real.
A few months ago we received a Facebook message from the person subletting our apartment in Boston, letting us know he had broke the lease and was moving out. An apartment might seem like no big deal to some people, but for us, it was the only link we had left to home in Boston. Ross and I left our jobs, our friends, families, everything BUT there was ONE thing we had, or at least thought we had, a home to come back to in January. We were wrong.
This, among other things, has left me feeling very sad and anxious the past few months. I also feel a lot of anger, which I probably shouldn’t. One of the worst things is, when we moved out we left our last month’s rent (of over $1,000) in goodwill. This person moved out and paid his last month’s rent, resulting in us losing all the money that we could have gotten back last December (and trust me, we REALLY could have used that money here). We’ve been trying to deal with the situation as best we can from here (which is nearly impossible) and so far have the promise that we will get half the money back. Still, even if we get half back after months of struggling over it, we will be losing out on over $500 dollars and be out a awesome North End apartment. Which, when you are volunteering your time abroad and not getting paid for a year really hurts. No, more than hurts, it kills.
In order to get a new apartment in Boston means having a lot more money than we planned for, and a lot more than we will have at the end of this year (Realtor fees, first and last months, Security Deposits, etc) , so I’m going to have to face the fact that for the first time in 10 years, I will not be able to live in Boston. At least not in January like I thought. After being away from home for a year, it is terrible to know that I won’t be able to go right back.
I know that doing something like this takes sacrifice, and trust me I am okay with that for the most part. I miss so many people and so many things everyday, I eat pretty much only rice and beans and I take cold showers… but I really do love working with children here and getting to know a completely different part of the world. I hate that this apartment situation (or lack there of) is in a way taking away from me being able to be present and enjoy my time here. I’m trying so hard to keep positive and keep reminding myself about the bigger picture, the reason I am here. I just wish I could stop feeling so sad :(
“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese